I was just playing
- Coalesce Atlanta
- Jan 5
- 5 min read
One of my 2025 goals was to play. I was intentional and I played a lot.
b(1): to toy or fiddle around with something
(2): to deal or behave frivolously or mockingly: JEST
(3): to deal in a light, speculative, or sportive manner
It was great. I took an 8 week hand building pottery course. Being with earth in the form of clay was healing, new, weird, and fun. Creating functional pottery was one of my favorite things of 2025. It's rewarding to use the dishes I made every day (pics below). I'm dreaming of the day I can set up a small studio for myself at home.
I picked up gouache for the first time and pastels for the first time since high school. Mixed media play began, mixing oil and chalk pastels. Layering it over something I painted in gouache or water color. Most of my work is inspired by portals. Eyes, vulvas, tree hollows that make me think of doors to other places or animal homes, and the sky.
I spent months with half my dining room table covered in a layer of plastic wrap. in an effort to preserve it while I placed another piece of wood on it to use as a wedging board for clay and then to protect it from being speckled with pastels and paint.
A collaging date with some of my best friends sparked a new hobby in me. Collaging has changed the way I see things. scraps of paper, box tops, old t-shirts. 1 word I could cut out of something and put it somewhere else, make it say something else, mean something else.
I rounded out the year with an old love, knitting. When I got back from Ghana I started knitting myself a merino wool scarf. It’s a simple knit stitch in all black. A trusty everyday (every chilly day) scarf to grab. Knitting was a quarantine hobby of mine that I put it down when I became a massage therapist because doing both was hard on my hands. I have since picked up more effective modalities that are gentler on me and my clients so I look forward to knitting more this year. These are only a few and on top of all of that, travel, book clubs, art dates with friends. Love.
Last year's play was beautiful and I hit that goal. I touched a lot, tired a lot, dabbled as I do. It was lush and indulgent. And you know what else, It left me wanting. god I so desperately desired a deep dive into something by the end of the year. elbow deep. waste deep. somewhere to funnel this ravenous energy to know more.
The truth is I am always looking for that thing I'm “naturally great at”. That road seems to be paved with discontent. The sky on that road is cloudy and they cast a shadow that stops me from seeing my own progress good enough. There’s fog in the atmosphere on that road and it blocks me from seeing that I'm already in my niche. An intoxicating haze that makes me forget I'm just playing. So I gotta get off it.
Somewhere in my year of dabbling I forgot that I was doing so. I started reaching for an end result that has to be learned and practiced and worked for. I forgot that hopping to another thing isn't how I get better at the thing I'm walking away from. My abundance of play came with no boundaries of my own, slowed only by an already filled course or art class I intended to sign up for. I became frustrated with my lack of progress in all things. A quote by Cyril Connolly that I read in "Having and Being Had" by Eula Biss comes to mind “ pleasure is not necessarily harmful, but it outrages the part of us that is concerned with growth”.
Last year's seasons of play were a good turning and tilling, a way of fertilizing for this year’s growing season. Please remember, they both have a harvest. That there is also growth in play. Value in the shaking up and savoring variety. Picking up and putting down just for that sake. In doing things for no reason other than to play.
This year I intend to dabble less. To be disciplined in different ways.
To see how it satisfies me in different ways to stick to something fully, longer. To become better at my crafts than a dabbler. I remember that one of my superpowers is learning. I’ve channeled my hunger for learning by learning how to sew. And also creating a curriculum with texts I already have about cupping, myofascial release and acupressure. These are modalities that I already practice, love and want to become more proficient in. Expect me to ask if I can try a new technique on you when you come to the table, it’ll be good 😉.
I have fewer goals than usual for the first season of this year.
Just 1 for each category. Art, Health, Business and Finances.
I’ve reset my environment to support my current goals and removed things from it set up for old goals (read as - put away the stacks of books and piles of project's I'm not currently devoted to).
I intend to take it easy on myself as I would a friend. Set and keep boundaries for myself, as I would a friend.
To be conscious in taking it one step at a time while also releasing the end and just being in that step.
A motto that dropped down to me recently : “lighten up and tighten up”
Meaning don’t be so hard on myself, lighten my load, release the actions that don’t lead to my goals. Take on less tasks, even the “fun ones” if they don’t lead to the goals I have right now. Chill on myself. Focus on what I’ve already committed to. “First things first and a little at a time.” as my grandad would say.
Here are some prompts that have helped me:
What do I want?
Why do I want it ?
How am I going to do it / get there? (what specific actions?) - one step at a time.
I’d love to hear how 2026 is opening for you and what plans you have this season and what you’ve been creating. Please share below.
Where to find me this this week
Schedule your massage here ! I have a few more openings this week and next.
A great way to create space and settle into this year.
Whipped Body Butters (4oz -$18 / 8oz - $36) and Lip Scrubs (1oz $12) are available !
Grab some during your appointment with me at Coalesce in Decatur (near east Atlanta)
My whipped body butter is also sold on shelves at Future Perfect in Cabbagetown.
It's still winter time and if your like me, our skin could use all the hydrating support it can get and this stuff is great.
Entertainment I’m enjoying lately
First book of the year finished:
Having and Being Had - Eula Biss - i recommend - interesting and easy to read.
Music
21 Savage - WHAT HAPPENED TO THE STREETS?
Podcast
IMO with Michelle Obama + Craig Robinson - Perform your Truth with Jenifer Lewis
This American Life - Must be Rats on the Brain
Enjoy some pics of things I created in 2025.
Lighten up and tighten up, beloved. Take Good Care, one step at a time.
With Love,
Porter
page from my collage notebook
**If you are in need of bodywork or energy work and my listed prices are out of reach please contact me. Services may be offered at a sliding scale in certain cases.
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